We have had SO MUCH going on the past two weeks. After Christmas, we headed down to Birmingham to see a dear friend of mine get married and we left B with my parents for the weekend. We hadn’t even left him for a date night before so flying to a different timezone was a big step for us (go big or don’t leave home, right?). Now that we are back I’m busy, busy, busy trying to get undecorated and ready for B’s birthday this weekend. How did my baby get to be one?
I have so much I want to share with you guys but I just haven’t been able to find any time to write about it. So everything will be a few (OK probably a lot) days delayed for the next few weeks trying to catch up. But I’m sure you expected nothing less.
New Year Reflections:
Oh, 2012…you changed me.
My whole life, I have been a do-er. If I see something that needs to be done, I do it. If it didn’t come out like I planned, I work harder and do it again. This quality has served me well and taken me far. But, 2012, you had other plans. You brought me situations that no matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t change.
Like my sweet colicky baby. No matter how many hours I rocked him, swaddled him, and snuggled him…he cried. For weeks I tried to rock, swaddle, and snuggle better thinking that would help. It didn’t. So I just loved my crying baby. Sometimes we would cry together and sometimes we would laugh together and sometimes we would have no idea what the other one wanted. Quickly the things I originally thought were important, like clean outfits, picture perfect outings, and a clean house, faded away.
I learned to appreciate the small things more in 2012. Things that before sometimes went unnoticed, unappreciated. Like time with my husband. Our life is full now. Full in goods ways: full of laughter, joy, deep relationships. But also full in terms of time. Mason has taken on a lot more responsibility at work this year and I am so proud of him and how hard he is working, but it means less time together. He is busy with work and I am busy trying to balance things around the house. So those nights when we get to snuggle on the sofa and watch a show together….those are magical and treasured nights.
In 2012, I learned more about myself than in all the years previous combined. Leaving my job teaching and staying home has been wonderful but a challenge. I have little external affirmation in my day. Somedays I look around exhausted at the end of the day and think, “What did I do all day?”. So I started to knit during nap time so that even if I only got a single row done, I could say, “That. I did that.” But funny thing is that while having concrete things I can hold is helpful, they have become less necessary. As being a stay at home mom stretches me, it also grows my confidence as a mom, woman, person. I am proud of what I do each day and confident in new life as a stay at home mom.
I am grateful for the opportunities that came with 2012 and the ways they have affected me. I look forward to the growth, challenges, and blessings of 2013.